Conflict

Some thoughts on conflict in relationships:

Isn't conflict unavoidable? If we are in close relationships with other people, shouldn't there be some conflict over time? Relationships in my life that never have any conflict probably have less depth than relationships that have conflict. I'm not saying people should always be fighting, but its probably going to happen, especially as relationships develop. So we probably shouldn't seek to avoid all conflict or even fear it. It's what we do with it that matters.

Consider the following Scripture:

Dealing With Sin in the Church
15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

18 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Matthew 18:15-20

When we are sinned against, we shouldn't talk about it with everyone. We should address the issue in love with the other person. If the other party doesn't see things the same way, bring people along, but not to gang up on them--instead, to restore the relationship. If they still refuse to listen, there may be nothing else you can do. When Jesus says to treat them as a pagan or a tax collector, he probably means to love them, pray for them, and wish the best for them. We can control ourselves and our own actions. We may not be able to control the way the other person responds. But we can always work for love and restoration. After all, that is how Jesus acts towards us--always hoping for the best, always restoring goodwill and love.

And the last couple verses seem to indicate that when we partner with God toward reconciliation, he grants us success--with eternal benefits.

What is Peace?

Today at Brethren Conference we had a brief discussion on peacemaking and what it means. Here are some of the responses. Over the following weeks and months, we'll take a look at each of the responses in greater detail.


lack of conflict, handling conflict, solving conflict
total health/wholeness
forgiveness/reconciliation/acting on behalf of the other
interpersonal relations
international relations
peace does not equal agreement
peace issues in schools
confronting injustice nonviolently
peace does not equal people pleasing